the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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