my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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