apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
