dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
