Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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