Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
