Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
