She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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