Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
