I like to think it a success when the cops are called
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
