can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize