i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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