WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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