Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize
