i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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