I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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