I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
