hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
