if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
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