I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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