You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
