the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
