I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
