Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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