it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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