dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
