I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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