Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
