Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
