so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
