cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
My ass is underappreciated
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Randomize
