I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
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