My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
