found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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