Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
