Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
