You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
