He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
