Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
