theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
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