Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
