All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
