I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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