help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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