to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
