it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
