Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
