I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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