You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
