The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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