Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
