we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
