My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
