My friends, they love my intelligence
This is evicking siegelnvs
This is fucking ridiculous*
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.