did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra