and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
you would pick up someone in the library
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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