You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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