Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
