my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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