i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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