You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
