What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
