just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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