There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Randomize
