angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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