I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
