he puts the penis in happiness.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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