Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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