There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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