I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
