I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
