I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
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My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
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On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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