I molested 6 butterflies tonight
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
