dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
