you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
