O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
