Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
