Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
