I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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